An Alternative Solution to the Bears Problems
After another absolute downer of a season a lot of fans are freaking out...and rightfully so. I agree that it's time for a clean slate. Just completely start over from the ground up. I'm not just talkin Nagy and Pace either. I'm talking about Ted Phillips and Bill Lazor. I'm talking about the head athletic trainer, the social media guy, the laundry guy, the goddamn janitor cleaning out the stalls after the O-line gets done slopping down their 5th helping of room temperature bacon mac and cheese from the cafeteria. I want everybody gone. Clean house. The dysfunction in this organization runs deeper than the CTE in Jim McMahon's skull. But I'm not here to just agree with the masses. I'm here to offer an additional solution that nobody else is even talking about.
It's time to move Halas Hall to a new location. Lake Forest isn't exactly known for it's blue-collar reputation. How you gonna grind it out at practice in a town thats primary demographic is 40 year old soccer moms with Range Rovers? The biggest piece of adversity the people face in that town is when the local Starbucks runs out of almond milk for their venti caramel hazelnut (insert boujee sounding word here) latte. Let's move the boys down to Englewood...a place that knows real adversity. A place that produced 3 of the greatest Chicago legends of our lifetime: Bernie Mac (RIP), Chief Keef, and Derrick Rose.
Running backs not running fast enough for your liking? Let's put 'em on a practice field with gunshots ringing out in the background and maybe they'll shave off a couple tenths of a second on that 40 time. QB takin too many sacks? A little visit from the Black Disciples will teach 'em to keep their head on a swivel. Team chemistry not where you want it? Drop the boys off in the middle of the street after 9pm and tell 'em to work together to find a way home alive. If that doesn't scream "winning tradition" I don't know what does. You can't tell me the opposition doesn't get a little nervous knowing our boys have been spending the whole week prepping for the game in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in America.
Not only that, but it'll save you some coin on property taxes that you can use to invest in the actual team. Win-win for everybody involved. Maybe I'm not as crazy as you guys think.
And in the 1 in 800 billion chance that Virginia or George McCaskey ever lay their eyes on this incredible blog this next part is for you...I want to let you know that I'm always available as a consultant. Give me a call anytime, anyplace, and I'll help set this organization down the right path. If you like this idea there's plenty more where that came from.